Humor is often used as a coping mechanism, and for some people that means making light of their addiction. Alcoholism is no exception. Jokes about drinking and drunkenness can be found throughout history and in all cultures. Some use humor to deflect from their own drinking issues, while others use it to point out the absurdity of alcohol dependence. Whatever the reason, there are plenty of funny alcoholics jokes out there.
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Top 10 Best Alcoholic Jokes
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What do you call a drunk with a PhD?
Doctor.
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What do you call a drunk who doesnβt drink but is always there when the booze is?
The bartender.
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What do you call someone who drinks for a living?
An Alcoholic.
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How can you spot an alcoholic at work?
He s the one with the cork in his typewriter.
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Why did the bartender throw a drunk out of the bar?
He kept falling off his stool and hitting on women.
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How do you make an alcoholic laugh?
Tell him a joke about drinking.
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Why do male alcoholics make lousy lovers?
They get too excited too quickly and can t last more than two minutes.
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What is the definition of a good drunk?
A sober alcoholic.
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Why are alcoholics bad drivers?
Because they drink and drive.
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What s the difference between a drunk and a liar?
One lies when he s sober.
Funny Alcoholics Jokes
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How do you get an alcoholic off your doorstep?
Pour him another drink.
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Why did the bartender put a ladder in his bar?
So that the short people could see over the counter.
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Why do they put oxygen masks on airplanes?
It s for people who have been drinking too much alcohol and need fresh air.
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What is a drunk s favorite drink?
A Bloody Mary
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Why did the drunk stand on the footpath?
So that he would be out of the street.
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What is a drunk s favorite color?
Plaid.
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Why did the bartender call his bar a saloon?
Because he had so many good friends.
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Why did the drunk get fired from the M&M factory?
He kept throwing out all of the Ws.
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What do you call a drunk with two dollars in his pocket?
Bob.
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Β What do you call a drunk who doesn t know where he is?
Lost
Alcoholic Jokes One LinerΒ
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Why do drunks have beepers?
So they can find their cars.
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What do you call a drunk who is eating a hot dog?
A relish.
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Β Why is a drunk like an old hunting dog?
Because he s used to the smell of skunk
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What do you call a drunk who is drowning in two feet of water?
Bob.
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Β Why do drunks hate M&M s?
Because they are so hard to peel.
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What did the bartender say to the drunk?
You re cut off!
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What do you call a drunk in the snow?
Bob.
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What is the best thing to give a drunk who is going to puke?
The Heimlich maneuver
What do you call a drunk with a dollar?
Bob.
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What do you call a drunk who says he is going to the store for milk?
Bob.
Good Alcoholic Jokes
What do you call a drunk with a runny nose?
Bob.
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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?
He had to sober up for a minute.
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What do you call a drunk who is also a lawyer?
A bartender
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What do you call a drunk who is also an attorney?
Your Honor
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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?
He had to sober up for a minute
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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?
He had to sober up for a minute.
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What do you call someone who drinks to avoid problems?
A bartender.
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Why did the blonde stare at her drink for half an hour?
She was waiting for it to get a little warmer.
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Whatβs the difference between milk and whiskey?
Milk is white and whiskey is brown, but they both do the same thing β make me sick when I drink too much of them.
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What s the difference between a drunk and a liar?
One drinks to forget, the other forgets to drink.
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Why did god invent alcohol?
So ugly people can have sex too.
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Why are some drunks great singers?
Alcohol is the best voice coach in the world!
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Conclusion Alcoholic Jokes
In conclusion, while alcoholics jokes may be funny to some, they can be hurtful to others. If you know someone who is struggling with alcoholism, be mindful of the words you use. Alcoholism is a serious disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding. if you know someone who is struggling with alcoholism, be mindful of the words you use. Alcoholism is a serious disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding.
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