67 Alcoholics Jokes and puns that will crack you up πŸ˜ƒ

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Humor is often used as a coping mechanism, and for some people that means making light of their addiction. Alcoholism is no exception. Jokes about drinking and drunkenness can be found throughout history and in all cultures. Some use humor to deflect from their own drinking issues, while others use it to point out the absurdity of alcohol dependence. Whatever the reason, there are plenty of funny alcoholics jokes out there.

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Table of Contents hide

Top 10 Best Alcoholic Jokes

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What do you call a drunk with a PhD?

Doctor.

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Alcoholic Jokes 1

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What do you call a drunk who doesn’t drink but is always there when the booze is?

The bartender.

Alcoholic Jokes 2

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What do you call someone who drinks for a living?

An Alcoholic.

Alcoholic Jokes 3

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How can you spot an alcoholic at work?

He s the one with the cork in his typewriter.

Alcoholic Jokes 4

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Why did the bartender throw a drunk out of the bar?

He kept falling off his stool and hitting on women.

Alcoholic Jokes 5

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How do you make an alcoholic laugh?

Tell him a joke about drinking.

Alcoholic Jokes 6

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Why do male alcoholics make lousy lovers?

They get too excited too quickly and can t last more than two minutes.

Alcoholic Jokes 7

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What is the definition of a good drunk?

A sober alcoholic.

Alcoholic Jokes 8

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Why are alcoholics bad drivers?

Because they drink and drive.

Alcoholic Jokes 9

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What s the difference between a drunk and a liar?

One lies when he s sober.

Alcoholic Jokes 10

Funny Alcoholics Jokes

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How do you get an alcoholic off your doorstep?

Pour him another drink.

Alcoholic Jokes 11

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Why did the bartender put a ladder in his bar?

So that the short people could see over the counter.

Alcoholic Jokes 12

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Why do they put oxygen masks on airplanes?

It s for people who have been drinking too much alcohol and need fresh air.

Alcoholic Jokes 13

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What is a drunk s favorite drink?

A Bloody Mary

Alcoholic Jokes 14

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Why did the drunk stand on the footpath?

So that he would be out of the street.

Alcoholic Jokes 15

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What is a drunk s favorite color?

Plaid.

Alcoholic Jokes 16

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Why did the bartender call his bar a saloon?

Because he had so many good friends.

Alcoholic Jokes 17

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Why did the drunk get fired from the M&M factory?

He kept throwing out all of the Ws.

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Alcoholic Jokes 18

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What do you call a drunk with two dollars in his pocket?

Bob.

Alcoholic Jokes 19

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Β What do you call a drunk who doesn t know where he is?

Lost

Alcoholic Jokes 20

Alcoholic Jokes One LinerΒ 

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Why do drunks have beepers?

So they can find their cars.

Alcoholic Jokes 21

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What do you call a drunk who is eating a hot dog?

A relish.

Alcoholic Jokes 22

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Β Why is a drunk like an old hunting dog?

Because he s used to the smell of skunk

Alcoholic Jokes 23

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What do you call a drunk who is drowning in two feet of water?

Bob.

Alcoholic Jokes 24

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Β Why do drunks hate M&M s?

Because they are so hard to peel.

Alcoholic Jokes 25

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What did the bartender say to the drunk?

You re cut off!

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What do you call a drunk in the snow?

Bob.

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What is the best thing to give a drunk who is going to puke?

The Heimlich maneuver

What do you call a drunk with a dollar?

Bob.

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What do you call a drunk who says he is going to the store for milk?

Bob.

Good Alcoholic Jokes

What do you call a drunk with a runny nose?

Bob.

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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?

He had to sober up for a minute.

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What do you call a drunk who is also a lawyer?

A bartender

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What do you call a drunk who is also an attorney?

Your Honor

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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?

He had to sober up for a minute

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Why did the bartender take so long with that last drink?

He had to sober up for a minute.

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What do you call someone who drinks to avoid problems?

A bartender.

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Why did the blonde stare at her drink for half an hour?

She was waiting for it to get a little warmer.

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What’s the difference between milk and whiskey?

Milk is white and whiskey is brown, but they both do the same thing – make me sick when I drink too much of them.

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What s the difference between a drunk and a liar?

One drinks to forget, the other forgets to drink.

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Why did god invent alcohol?

So ugly people can have sex too.

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Why are some drunks great singers?

Alcohol is the best voice coach in the world!

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Conclusion Alcoholic Jokes

In conclusion, while alcoholics jokes may be funny to some, they can be hurtful to others. If you know someone who is struggling with alcoholism, be mindful of the words you use. Alcoholism is a serious disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding. if you know someone who is struggling with alcoholism, be mindful of the words you use. Alcoholism is a serious disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding.

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