70 Axe Jokes, Puns and One-liners to Crack You Up 😀

Are you looking to add a little lightheartedness and laughter to your day? Look no further than these 70 hilarious Axe jokes and puns! 

From one liners to clever puns, these funny Axe jokes are sure to get a chuckle from everyone.

Regardless of your age or sense of humor, these funny Axe jokes will surely get everyone giggling. So why not pass some time with these hilarious Axe jokes and puns?

Let’s get started!

Axe Jokes

1. Why did the lumberjack get a new axe? Because his old one wasn’t cutting it anymore!
2. What do you call a lumberjack without an axe? Unemployed.
3. How do you sharpen an axe? With great care and a lot of practice.
4. Why did the axe go to the gym? To work on its chops.
5. What’s a lumberjack’s favorite type of axe? The tree-mendous kind!
6. Why was the axe a bad comedian? Its jokes were always a little wooden.
7. What’s the difference between an axe and a hatchet? The size and the purpose.
8. Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend? She was too bark-ing mad.
9. What did the lumberjack say when he lost his axe? “I’m stumped!”
10. Why did the lumberjack join a gym? To get ax-tra fit!
11. What’s an axe’s favorite type of music? Chop-eratic!
12. Why did the tree hire an axe? To get trimmed down to size.
13. What did the lumberjack say to the tree? “It’s time to branch out.”
14. What did the lumberjack say to his axe? “You’re my right-hand man.”

Axe Jokes for Kids

1. Why did the axe murderer get a job in a library? He wanted to take out his frustrations on the books.
2. What do you call an axe that can play the guitar? Ax-oustic.
3. Why did the lumberjack wear suspenders? To keep his pants up while he was chopping wood.
4. What did the axe say to the tree? “I’m going to give you a little off the top.”
5. What did the lumberjack say to his wife? “I think I’m going to need a bigger axe.”
6. Why did the lumberjack buy a chainsaw? To up his game from the axe.
7. What do you call a lumberjack who’s afraid of his own axe? A chopper-phobe.
8. What do you get when you cross an axe with a saw? A lot of firewood.
9. Why did the lumberjack start a band? He wanted to chop out some tunes.
10. Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
11. What did the axe say to the log? “You make my heart go thump.”
12. Why did the lumberjack take a math class? To learn how to log properly.
13. What do you call an axe that can’t chop wood? A dull tool.
14. Why did the lumberjack take his axe to the therapist? He was feeling a little ax-ious.

Funny Axe Jokes

1. What’s an axe’s favorite kind of weather? Choppy.
2. Why did the lumberjack switch to a different kind of axe? He wanted to branch out.
3. What did the axe say to the chainsaw? “You’re a cut above the rest.”
4. Why did the lumberjack become a teacher? To teach others how to log properly.
5. What do you call a group of lumberjacks? A chopperation.
6. Why did the lumberjack plant a tree? To give his axe something to look forward to.
7. What did the axe say when it met the saw? “I saw you coming.”
8. Why did the lumber jack quit his job at the lumberyard? He couldn’t hack it anymore.
9. What’s an axe’s favorite TV show? The Ax Files.
10. Why did the lumberjack bring his dog to work? To help him bark up the right tree.
11. What do you call a lumberjack who likes to dance? A tree-hopper.
12. Why did the axe murderer go to jail? He was caught red-handed.
13. What’s an axe’s favorite type of bread? Rye-chop.
14. Why did the lumberjack take up yoga? To improve his ax-ibility.

Axe Jokes One-liners

1. What do you call a group of trees that have been chopped down? A log jam.
2. What did the lumberjack say to his axe after a long day’s work? “You’ve really earned your edge today.”
3. Why did the lumberjack’s wife leave him? He was always barking orders.
4. What did the axe say to the log after a long day’s work? “You really saw me through today.”
5. Why did the lumberjack take up painting? To learn how to make his trees look good on canvas.
6. What do you call an axe that’s always late? An axi-dent.
7. Why did the lumberjack go to the beach? To catch some rays and relax his axe muscles.
8. What’s an axe’s favorite kind of food? Chop suey.
9. Why did the lumberjack’s boss give him a promotion? He was a cut above the rest.
10. What do you call an axe that’s feeling under the weather? A sickle.
11. Why did the lumberjack’s wife get angry when he brought his axe to bed? He wanted to spoon.
12. What did the lumberjack say to his friend who was afraid of heights? “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back… with my trusty axe!”
13. Why did the lumberjack become a pilot? He wanted to log some airtime.
14. What’s an axe’s favorite sport? Hatchetball.

Axe Jokes and Puns

1. Why did the lumberjack join a book club? To brush up on his knowledge of trees.
2. What do you call a lumberjack who’s always in a hurry? An axe-ion man.
3. Why did the axe murderer join the army? He wanted to learn how to take out a platoon.
4. What did the lumberjack say to his son? “If at first you don’t chop it down, try, try again.”
5. Why did the axe go to the doctor? It was feeling a little rusty.
6. What’s an axe’s favorite movie genre? Chop-flicks.
7. Why did the lumberjack’s wife give him a stern talking-to? He was always barking up the wrong tree.
8. What did the axe say to the log on Valentine’s Day? “You’re my heartwood.”
9. Why did the lumberjack’s boss give him an award? He had cut down the most trees in the forest.
10. What do you call a lumberjack who loves to gamble? A tree-card player.
11. Why did the axe murderer take up gardening? He wanted to learn how to plant evidence.
12. What did the lumberjack say when he saw a tree with no leaves? “What a bald-faced lie!”
13. Why did the axe join a band? To axe-tually rock out! 
14. What do you call a lumberjack who can sing? An axe-quisite vocalist.

 

Final Take Away from these Funny Axe Jokes

The above 70 hilarious Axe jokes and puns are sure to make any gathering of friends, family members, or colleagues erupt with laughter.

I am sure these jokes and puns must have lightened your mood and also have brought some humor to your life.

Also don’t forget to check our other list of jokes.