70 Bagel Jokes, Puns and One-liners to Crack You Up 😀

Are you looking to add a little lightheartedness and laughter to your day? Look no further than these 70 hilarious Bagel jokes and puns! 

From one liners to clever puns, these funny Bagel jokes are sure to get a chuckle from everyone.

Regardless of your age or sense of humor, these funny Bagel jokes will surely get everyone giggling. So why not pass some time with these hilarious Bagel jokes and puns?

Let’s get started!

Bagel Jokes

1. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little lox-y!
2. What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel with wings!
3. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Poppy-seed!
4. Why was the bagel sad? Because it had a hole in one!
5. How do you know if a bagel is angry? It gets cream cheese all over your face!
6. What did the bagel say when it met the donut? “Hey, we’re two of a kind, full of dough and totally sweet!”
7. Why don’t bagels like to go on roller coasters? They get too toasted!
8. What did one bagel say to the other bagel that was late? “You’re really cutting it close there, doughy!”
9. Why did the bagel break up with the croissant? Because it couldn’t handle all the flakiness!
10. How do you make a bagel smile? You put a little cream cheese on its face!
11. What do you call a bagel that can play the guitar? A jammin’ bagel!
12. What did the bagel say to the toaster? “Hey, stop giving me a tan!”
13. Why did the bagel cross the road? To get to the other side of the schmear!
14. What did the bagel say to the muffin? “Hey, you’re looking muffin-top notch today!”

Bagel Jokes for Kids

1. What do you call a bagel that’s always on the phone? An everything bagel!
2. Why don’t bagels like math? Because they always get stuck on pi!
3. How do you make a bagel happy? You give it a little pat, then say “You’re the hole-y one!”
4. What do you call a bagel that’s afraid of the dark? A sesame seed bagel!
5. Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little bit smarter-dough!
6. What did the bagel say to the breadstick? “Hey, you’re not as twisted as you think you are!”
7. Why don’t bagels make good detectives? Because they always get toasted when they’re supposed to be undercover!
8. What do you call a bagel that’s always falling asleep? A napping bagel!
9. What did one bagel say to the other bagel that was being stubborn? “Hey, stop being such a dough-brain!”
10. Why did the bagel go to space? To find the space jam!
11. What do you call a bagel that’s really into sports? A baseball!
12. Why don’t bagels like the beach? Because they’re always getting a sunburn on their top!
13. What did the bagel say to the donut that was trying to steal its thunder? “Hey, stop trying to glaze over my accomplishments!”
14. How do you make a bagel go faster? You give it a little bit of butter-speed!

Funny Bagel Jokes

1. What do you call a bagel that’s always on the move? A rolling stone!
2. Why did the bagel join the gym? To get a little bit more toned-dough!
3. What do you call a bagel that’s always making jokes? A laughin’ bagel!
4. Why did the bagel refuse to leave the house? Because it was feeling a bit toasted out!
5. What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “You are the missing puzzle piece to my life!”
6. Why did the bagel get a job at the bakery? Because it kneaded the dough!
7. What did the bagel say when it won the race? “I’m on a roll!”
8. Why don’t bagels go on vacation? They don’t want to get too dough-cumented!
9. What do you call a bagel that’s really popular? The most poppy-seeded one in town!
10. Why did the bagel go to the bank? To get some dough!
11. What did the bagel say to the donut that was feeling down? “Donut worry, be happy!”
12. What’s a bagel’s favorite social media platform? Toast-agram!
13. Why did the bagel get mad at the cream cheese? Because it was spreading rumors!
14. What do you call a bagel that’s always telling jokes at work? A dough-lightful colleague!

Bagel Jokes One-liners

1. Why did the bagel fail the test? It couldn’t get a passing grade on the raisin!
2. What did the bagel say when it won the Nobel Prize? “I’m the smartest thing since sliced bread!”
3. Why don’t bagels like to play poker? They can never keep a straight dough!
4. What do you call a bagel that’s always wearing sunglasses? A shady bagel!
5. Why did the bagel go to the library? To get a little bit more read-dough!
6. What did the bagel say to the English muffin? “Hey, I like your accent!”
7. Why did the bagel get a tattoo? To show off its wheat side!
8. What do you call a bagel that’s always overthinking? An everything bagel with anxiety!
9. Why did the bagel go to the gym? To work on its gluten!
10. What did the bagel say to the pretzel? “Hey, you look like you’re twisted up today!”
11. Why don’t bagels like politics? They don’t want to get too kneaded in it!
12. What do you call a bagel that’s always losing things? A forgetful bagel!
13. Why did the bagel get a job as a teacher? To show its students how to rise to the occasion!
14. What did the bagel say to the pizza? “Hey, you’re stealing my dough!”

Bagel Jokes and Puns

1. Why did the bagel join the band? Because it wanted to be part of a jam session!
2. What do you call a bagel that’s always running late? A time-flour bagel!
3. Why did the bagel go to the beach? To get a little bit of sunflower!
4. What did the bagel say to the muffin that was feeling blue? “Hey, I’ve got a hole in my heart for you!”
5. Why don’t bagels like politics? They don’t want to get too kneaded in it!
6. What do you call a bagel that’s always in a rush? A bagel on the go!
7. Why did the bagel get a tattoo of a bagel on its arm? Because it wanted to show off its love for itself!
8. What did the bagel say to the croissant that was feeling self-conscious? “Hey, you’re flakier than me and that’s something to be proud of!”
9. Why did the bagel go to the museum? To get a little bit more cultured-dough!
10. What do you call a bagel that’s always cold? A chilly bagel!
11. Why did the bagel break up with the muffin? Because it was tired of all the crummy behavior!
12. What did the bagel say to the pita bread? “Hey, you’re looking a little flat today!”
13. Why did the bagel get a job as a DJ? Because it knew how to bring the bread and butter!
14. What do you call a bagel that’s always getting lost? A breadcrumb bagel!

Final Take Away from these Funny Bagel Jokes

The above 70 hilarious Bagel jokes and puns are sure to make any gathering of friends, family members, or colleagues erupt with laughter.

I am sure these jokes and puns must have lightened your mood and also have brought some humor to your life.

Also don’t forget to check our other list of jokes.