70 Coffee Jokes, Puns and One-liners to Crack You Up 😀

Are you looking to add a little lightheartedness and laughter to your day? Look no further than these 70 hilarious Coffee jokes and puns! 

From one liners to clever puns, these funny Coffee jokes are sure to get a chuckle from everyone.

Regardless of your age or sense of humor, these funny Coffee jokes will surely get everyone giggling. So why not pass some time with these hilarious Coffee jokes and puns?

Let’s get started!

Coffee Jokes

1. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
2. Why don’t eggs tell jokes in coffee shops? They’d crack each other up.
3. Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.
4. What does a coffee say to its therapist? I feel like I’m just being ground down.
5. Why did the coffee file for divorce? It found grounds for separation.
6. Why did the coffee refuse to leave the pot? It was grounded.
7. What do you call a cow that’s just given birth? Decalfinated.
8. Why don’t ants like to drink coffee? It gives them the jitters.
9. Why did the coffee feel bad for the tea? Because it was steeped on.
10. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
11. Why did the coffee feel like a failure? Because it always got the grounds for being fired.
12. What did the coffee say when it got cold? I’ve bean abandoned.
13. Why did the coffee join the army? It wanted to be a latte stronger.
14. Why did the coffee go to the seance? To talk to its roast.

Coffee Jokes for Kids

1. Why did the coffee file for unemployment? It was depresso and couldn’t perk up.
2. Why was the coffee always in a bad mood? Because it was always getting steamed.
3. Why did the coffee go to the art museum? To see the drip paintings.
4. What do you call a coffee that’s not on speaking terms with its creamer? Cold-shouldered.
5. Why don’t they serve coffee in space? Because it’s hard to pressurize the grounds.
6. Why did the coffee refuse to brew? It didn’t have a filter for its emotions.
7. Why don’t pirates drink coffee? They prefer their brews to be strong and dark, like their souls.
8. Why did the coffee get a tattoo? It wanted to espresso itself.
9. What do you call a dinosaur who drinks coffee? A Tea-Rex.
10. Why did the coffee get called into the principal’s office? It kept giving everyone grounds for concern.
11. Why was the coffee always so full of beans? It was constantly brewing with enthusiasm.
12. Why did the coffee file for a restraining order? It couldn’t espresso its feelings to the stalker.
13. Why did the coffee go to the tailor? It needed a new espresso suit.
14. Why did the coffee go to the gym? It wanted to work on its biceps roast.

Funny Coffee Jokes

1. Why did the coffee break up with the tea? They just didn’t blend well together.
2. What do you call a coffee that’s been sipped too much? An ex-presso.
3. Why did the coffee get a job at the bank? It wanted to be a barista.
4. Why did the coffee get into a fight with the hot chocolate? It thought the cocoa was getting too steamy with its milk.
5. Why did the coffee get a job as a firefighter? It wanted to put out some Java flames.
6. What do you call it when you accidentally spill your coffee on your computer? A technical mocha.
7. Why don’t ghosts drink coffee? They prefer their drinks to be boozy.
8. Why did the coffee get pulled over by the police? It was caught beaning under the influence.
9. Why did the coffee go to the beach? It wanted to get a tan roast.
10. Why did the coffee fail the test? It was grounds for dismissal.
11. Why did the coffee go to the therapist? It was feeling grounds for concern.
12. Why did the coffee refuse to work in the circus? It didn’t want to be grounds for clowning around.
13. Why did the coffee go to the library? It wanted to check out some grounds material.
14. Why did the coffee go to the shoe store? It wanted to find a new espresso pair of shoes.

Coffee Jokes One-liners

1. Why did the coffee break up with the espresso machine? It just wasn’t the right blend.
2. What do you call a coffee with a cold? A sniffaccino.
3. Why did the coffee go to the chiropractor? It had a backache from carrying the team all morning.
4. Why did the coffee get arrested? It was caught brewing trouble.
5. Why did the coffee go to the eye doctor? It wanted to improve its latte vision.
6. What did the coffee say when it found out it was pregnant? “Oh beans!”
7. Why did the coffee file a lawsuit against its barista? It was grounds for malpractice.
8. Why did the coffee refuse to watch the movie? It heard it was too brewtal.
9. Why did the coffee go to the dentist? It had a latte cavities.
10. Why did the coffee break up with the sugar? It was too sweet for its taste.
11. Why did the coffee refuse to work on weekends? It was looking for a better roast-life balance.
12. Why did the coffee file a complaint with HR? It was being microroasted.
13. Why did the coffee refuse to play basketball? It didn’t want to get roast-ed.
14. Why did the coffee refuse to leave the house? It was too brewed to go out.

Coffee Jokes and Puns

38. Why did the coffee file for bankruptcy? It was in too deep with the espresso machine.
39. What do you call a coffee with a PhD? A doctor-caffeine.
40. Why did the coffee go to the amusement park? It wanted to ride the roast-er coaster.
41. Why did the coffee break up with the creamer? It was lactose intolerant.
42. Why did the coffee go to the tailor? It needed a new brew-collar shirt.
43. Why did the coffee go to the amusement park? It wanted to ride the bean-go round.
44. Why did the coffee file a lawsuit against the tea? It was grounds for intellectual property theft.
45. Why did the coffee go to the opera? It wanted to hear the high notes in the brew-sic.
46. Why did the coffee go to the football game? It wanted to root for the roast team.
47. Why did the coffee break up with the decaf? It just didn’t have enough buzz.
48. Why did the coffee refuse to work in the construction site? It didn’t want to be a beans counter.
49. What do you call a coffee that’s always on the move? A bean-gal.
50. Why did the coffee refuse to take a shower? It was afraid it would be decaf-ed.
51. Why did the coffee file a complaint with the police? It was mugged in a hit-and-brew accident.

Final Take Away from these Funny Coffee Jokes

The above 70 hilarious Coffee jokes and puns are sure to make any gathering of friends, family members, or colleagues erupt with laughter.

I am sure these jokes and puns must have lightened your mood and also have brought some humor to your life.

Also don’t forget to check our other list of jokes.