Humor is an important part of life. It can make the mundane more bearable and the difficult easier to manage. A good sense of humor is often said to be one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. Laughter is good for your health, too. It reduces stress, boosts your immune system, and makes you feel happier. So if you’re looking for a reason to laugh more, check out these funny jokes for adults.
Funny Jokes For adult
Why did the man who invented the door knocker get into trouble?
A: He was caught stealing knobs!
Why did the man get into trouble for stealing knobs?
A He was caught stealing doorknobs!
Why did the man get in trouble for stealing doorknobs? A He was caught stealing door knockers!
What is a computer s favorite subject at school? A Computers!
What do you call a computer that doesn t work? A A piece of junk!
Why did the computer s mother send it to school? A She wanted it to get an education!
What is a cat s favorite subject in school? A Cats!
What do you call a cat that doesn t work? A A piece of junk!
Funny jokes for adults as well as kids
Why did the cat s mother send it to school? A She wanted it to get an education!
Who is the best soccer player in your class? A The teacher!
What is the best way to learn to play soccer? A Get a private tutor!
What do you call a teacher who fails? A An underachiever!
What is the best way to learn to play soccer? A Get a private tutor!
What do you call a teacher who is absent? A An absentee!
What is the best way to get good grades in school? A Show up for class!
What do you call a teacher who is not afraid to fail? A A failure!
What do you call a teacher who is afraid to fail? A A coward!
Dirty funny jokes for adults
What is the best way to learn to play soccer? A Get a private tutor!
What do you call a teacher who can t teach? A A failure!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? An optimist!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What do you call a man with one hand and one foot? A Quarter back!
What do you call two people who just got married on a boat? A widow.
What s the difference between an elephant and a piece of furniture? About 50 kilos.
Why do you rarely see elephants hiding in trees? Because they re too big!
What do you call a man with one hand and no feet? A basketball player.
What s the difference between a kangaroo and a jacket? A jacket has sleeves!
Short funny jokes for adults
What s the difference between a woman and a washing machine? When the washing machine breaks, you can fix it.
What s the difference between a woman and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out of it!
What s the difference between a woman and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out of it!
Why did the fish get an operation? He was suffering from chronic halitosis.
What do you call a man who has just stolen a sheep? A shepherd.
What do sheep say when they go to the beach? Baaaaa!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant? A bird that can walk to work!
What do you get if you cross a pig and a duck? A pork duck!
Funny jokes for adults and their friends
What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a mop? A bunny that will scrub the floor.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a shark? A great white, afraid of everything!
What does a cow usually say when it goes to a restaurant? Moooooo!
What do you get if you cross an octopus with a parrot? A very smart bird that can solve any problem!
What do you get if you cross an owl with a pig? A hoot of bacon!
What do you get if you cross a wombat with a panda? A bear that is hairy and black and white and… oh, forget it.
What do you get when you cross a duck with a cat? An animal that lays eggs.
What do you get when you cross a duck with an onion? A bird that makes you cry.
Serious funny jokes for adults
What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a sheep? A woolly, warm bunny.
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? A dead dino.
What do you get when you cross a cat with a dog? A purr-fect pet!
What do you get when you cross a plum with a banana? A plumb banana.
What do you get if you cross an owl and an eagle? A wise old bird.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a shark? Bacon – the other white meat.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with an elephant? A pachyder-octopus.
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? A dead dino.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a shark? Bacon – the other white meat.
What do you get when you cross an owl and an eagle? A wise old bird.
What do you get if you cross a cat and a shark? A fur-ocious animal.
Knock funny jokes for adults
What do you get when you cross a cow and an elephant? An udder catastrophe!
What do you get when you cross a cat and an alligator? A house cat!
What do you get when you cross a bear and a shark? A bruin.
What do you get when you cross an owl and a duck? A wise quack.
What to do if your dog is chewing on the furniture? Get him some newfurniture!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a shark? Ham.
What do you get when you cross a cat and an octopus? A wet cat!
What do you get when you cross a turtle and a rabbit? An animal that’s slow but sure.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a rhinoceros? Ham with horn!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a tree? A catterpillar.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mouse? Elephant steps.
Funny jokes for adults
What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? Milk with eight legs.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a shark? A fur coat.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a rabbit? A snake with a long tail.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a chicken? A kitten.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and an octopus? Chicken of the sea.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a shark? An elephant shark.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a parrot? Milk that lays eggs.
Why are married women heavier than single ones? Single ones weigh what they want, married ones weigh what they get!
What do you call two people having sex in the woods? A tree hugger I just bought a new hearing aid.
Good funny jokes for adults
What s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a sentence!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!
What do you call two people in a bed? A Bitter!
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
Funny jokes for adults to tell their girlfriends
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
Sexual funny jokes for adults
What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.
How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off!
What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog’s fingers!
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas!
Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!
What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!
How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Dumb funny jokes for adults
Woman in green sweater covering eyes with her arm and laughing
WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
“I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto
Old funny jokes for adults
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!
What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!
What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”
What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
Conclusion Of Funny jokes for adult
In conclusion, funny jokes are great for adults! They can help relieve stress, tension, and boredom. They can also boost your mood and increase your sense of well-being. So next time you’re feeling down, make sure to laugh it off with a few good jokes.
