100+ One eye jokes and Puns that will crack you up

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This is an article about one eye jokes. You know, the kind where someone has a patch over one eye, or is missing an eye entirely. They’re usually pretty funny. But they can also be pretty lame, so it’s important to know your audience before you crack one of these jokes. But if you’re looking for a good laugh, then read on!

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One Eyes Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye ?

A dinosaur, what else would you call it, you sick fuck, what’s wrong with you, making fun of the disabled?

Also Read:  57 Toe Jokes and puns that will crack you up 😃

 

My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days…

He was a sniper

 

Why’d the one eyed man marry the shallow girl?

He lacked depth perception.

 

An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg

And says “Oi! You look ‘armless! ‘Op in!”

 

What did one eye say to the other?

Between us, something smells.

 

What’s the name of that one eyed pirate movies actor?

Eye Patchino

 

What do you call a Passive Aggressive Ogre with one eye?

A Sighcylops.

 

Who do Australians hunt with one eye? Because a bad eye can’t  But a good-eye-might

There was a one eyed teacher at my school

He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career

 

What has one eye and two asses?

Assassin.

 

Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting?

Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn’t be able to see.

 

 

One Eye jokes Puns

Why did the one eyed headmaster close down his school….

Because he only had one pupil

 

A lot of people with one eye patch were pirates, but why were people with two eye patches never pirates?

Because they can’t sea.

 

What has one eye, is round and is usually hung?

A dartboard.

 

I just found out that hamsters blink one eye at a time.

And all that time I thought mine fancied me.

 

Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye …

Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Don’t look now but something smells between us.

 

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saurus

 

What do you call a kid with no legs and one eye?

Names.

 

There was a one eyed teacher at my school

He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career

 

What did one eyeball say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.

 

“The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy.”

“What’s the other eye called?”

 

 

One Eye Jokes

What do you call a chef with one eye?

Chief

 

What did the one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.

 

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

 

How do government employees wink when they’re at work?

They briefly open one eye.

 

A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye

The optometrist examines him and says “You have a cataract.”

To which the Chinese man replies “Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal.”

 

What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears?

Ugly

 

What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me there’s something that smells.

 

Why’d the one eyed man marry the shallow girl?

He lacked depth perception.

 

What do you call a one eyed Dinosaur?

Doyouthinhesauras?

 

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between us, something smells.

Also Read:  77 Crocs Jokes and puns that will crack you up 😃

 

An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg

And says “Oi! You look ‘armless! ‘Op in!”

 

Funny One Eye Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye

Doyouthinkhesawus.

 

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes

Dontthinkhesawus.

 

I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?

ugly

 

My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days…

He was a sniper

 

Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting?

Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn’t be able to see.

 

What do you call a deer with one eye?

I have no eye deer

 

What’s a Heron with only one eye?

Heroin.

 

What’cha call a dear with one eye?

No idea

 

What do you call a kid with one leg, one eye, one arm, asthma and tons of acne?

Names.

 

Why did the one eyed banker lose his job?

He didn’t have any debtperception.

 

There is an old expression that goes like this, a hobo with one eye is good luck

But a homeless man with three eyes is the winner.

 

Why do Australians hunt with one eye?

Because a bad eye can’t

But a good-eye-might

 

Conclusion Of One Eye Jokes

In conclusion, one eye jokes are the best kind of jokes. They’re funny, they make you think, and they’re just plain ol’ good clean fun. So next time you’re looking for a good laugh, be sure to give one eye jokes a try.

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