Priest jokes and puns that will crack you up

Humour is often used to lighten the mood and make people laugh. Jokes are a common form of humour, and there are many different types of jokes. One type of joke is the priest joke. Priest jokes are usually about Catholic priests and are often seen as offensive by some people. However, many people find them funny. If you’re looking for a laugh, check out some of the best priest jokes below.

Top 10 Priest Jokes

Q: What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?

A: Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

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Q: What does a nun and a gremlin have in common?

A: They’re both not allowed to get wet!

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Q: Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms?

A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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Q: What did the nun say to the swiss cheese?

A: “I’m holier than you” What do you call a place rich in gold and poor in spirituality? “The Catholic church!”

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Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A: A Catholic wife has real org*sms and fake jewellery.

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Q: What is a Catholics favourite Oliver Stone movie?

A: Born Again on the 4th of July.

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Q: Why don’t nuns wear bras?

A: God supports everything.

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Q: What did Jesus say when somebody took a dump in his yard?

A: Holy Sh*t!

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Q: What kind of crackers do televangelists like to eat?

A: Billy Grahams.

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Q: What is the difference between a nun in a church and a nun in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul, one has soap in her hole.

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Q: Where is the best place to get a ice cream cone?

A: IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL.

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Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?

A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

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Q: Did you hear about the priest who became a marathon runner?

A: He never finishes in first; he’s always cumming in a little behind.

 

Catholic priest jokes

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it c*ms on your face!

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Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

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Q: What do fat preachers do?

A: They belly!

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Q: What do you call Pope Benedict XVI after his last day?

A: Ex Benedict.

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Q: What do you call holy bread?

A: Jesus Crust!

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Q: What happened when Moses had a headache?

A: God gave him some tablets. If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, What would she do for a Klondike bar?

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Q: How can you tell if you’re in a gay church?

A: Only half the congregation is kneeling. Working for the Lord, don’t pay much, but the benefits are out of this world.

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Q: What do you call a detective from the reformation?

A: Martin Sleuther

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Q: Why don’t you fart in church?

A: Because you have to sit in your pew.

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Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and your father?

A: Your father never came back.

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Q: Did you hear about all the drama down at the convent?

A: Well, it’s nun of your business.

 

Dirty priest jokes

Q: What is Jesus’ favorite pop song of all time?

A: I can feel it in my fingers.

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Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They use candles.

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Q: What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?

A: Christian Bale

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Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Italy?

A: They had the three wise guys, but they couldn’t find a virgin.

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Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?

A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.

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Q: What Kind of bird runs the church?

A: A cardinal!

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Q: Why can’t Anglicans play chess?

A: Because they can’t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

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Q: Why did the priest giggle?

A: Mass hysteria!

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Q: What’s a priest’s favorite food?

A: Holy cheese

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Q: What’s the difference between Adam and Eve and everyone else?

A: Parents.

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Q: What did Moses said when he came down the mountain and saw people worshipping the golden calf?

A: Holy cow!

 

Funny Priest Jokes

Q: Did you know that Matt Damon is religious?

A: He’s a BOURNE Again Christian!

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Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?

A: The balls are just for decoration.

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Q: Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?

A: Because he was a German shepherd.

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Q: Why don’t skeletons play music at church?

A: Cos’ they don’t have any organs.

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Q: Does light have mass?

A: Of course not. It’s not even Catholic!

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Q: Need an ark to save two of every animal?

A: I Noah guy.

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Q: Why can’t you find the letter X in Church?

A: Because it was X-communicated.

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Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very very important?

A: Critical Mass.

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Q: Why do nuns go everywhere in pairs?

A: To make sure the other nun gets none.

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Q: What do you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?

A: A religious movement.

 

Dark Priest Jokes

Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?

A: Nun.

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Q: How do you get rid of a nun’s hiccups?

A: Tell her she’s pregnant!

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Q: What is the definition of suspicion?

A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

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Q: How do Bishops and Cardinals get to the Vatican?

A: On a pope-cycle.

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Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?

A: A tran-sister.

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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

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What is a catholic priest dinosaur called?

Fathergavemeasaurass

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Why was the Catholic priest in such good shape?

He exorcised.

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What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy’s 12 before it comes on his face.

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What does a Catholic priest have in common with Beethoven’s Fur Elise?

They both finish in A minor

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What does Walmart and catholic priest have in common.

They both have boys pants half off.

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What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage?

“Let us prey.”

 

Conclusion Of Priest Jokes

In conclusion, it is clear that priest jokes are not only popular, but also have the ability to bring people together. They provide a way for people to laugh at the expense of the Church, and to bond over their shared disbelief in its power. So next time you’re feeling down, or need a good laugh, be sure to remember the power of a good priest joke.