70 Tuesday Jokes, Puns and One-liners to Crack You Up 😀

Are you looking to add a little lightheartedness and laughter to your day? Look no further than these 70 hilarious Tuesday jokes and puns! 

From one liners to clever puns, these funny Tuesday jokes are sure to get a chuckle from everyone.

Regardless of your age or sense of humor, these funny Tuesday jokes will surely get everyone giggling. So why not pass some time with these hilarious Tuesday jokes and puns?

Let’s get started!

Tuesday Jokes

1. Why did the calendar feel depressed on Tuesday? Because it saw Monday and realized there are four more days to go.
2. What do you call a fake noodle on Tuesday? An impasta.
3. Why did the chicken cross the road on Tuesday? To get to Taco Tuesday!
4. Why was the math book sad on Tuesday? Because it had too many problems.
5. What do you call a crocodile in a vest on Tuesday? An investigator.
6. Why don’t scientists trust atoms on Tuesday? Because they make up everything.
7. What do you call a fake stone in your shoe on Tuesday? A shamrock.
8. Why did the coffee file a police report on Tuesday? It got mugged.
9. Why did the tomato turn red on Tuesday? Because it saw the salad dressing.
10. Why did the scarecrow win an award on Tuesday? Because he was outstanding in his field.
11. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
12. Why do seagulls fly over the sea on Tuesday? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
13. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark on Tuesday? Frostbite.
14. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants on Tuesday? In case he got a hole in one.

Tuesday Jokes for Kids

1. What did one wall say to the other on Tuesday? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
2. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? “Nothing, but it was a crushing defeat.”
3. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work on Tuesday? A can’t opener.
4. Why did the tomato turn green on Tuesday? Because it was not ripe yet.
5. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire on Tuesday? Frostbite.
6. What did one toilet say to the other on Tuesday? “You look flushed.”
7. Why don’t oysters give to charity on Tuesday? They’re shellfish.
8. What do you call a fake noodle on Tuesday? An impasta.
9. Why did the hipster burn his tongue on Tuesday? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
10. What do you call a belt made out of watches on Tuesday? A waist of time.
11. Why did the cookie go to the doctor on Tuesday? Because it felt crummy.
12. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? “Not again, I can’t take the pressure!”
13. Why don’t scientists trust atoms on Tuesday? Because they make up everything.
14. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie on Tuesday? Sofishticated.

Funny Tuesday Jokes

1. Why did the chicken cross the playground on Tuesday? To get to the other slide.
2. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? “I’ll never wine again.”
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other on Tuesday? They don’t have the guts.
4. What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Tuesday? A pouch potato.
5. Why did the tomato turn red on Tuesday? Because it saw the salad dressing.
6. What do you call a fake noodle on Tuesday? An impasta.
7. Why did the coffee file a police report on Tuesday? It got mugged.
8. Why did the bicycle fall over on Tuesday? Because it was two-tired.
9. What do you call a bear with no teeth on Tuesday? A gummy bear.
10. Why did the tomato turn red on Tuesday? Because it saw the ketchup bottle.
11. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs on Tuesday? A condescending con descending.
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award on Tuesday? Because he was outstanding in his field.
13. What do you call an alligator in a vest on Tuesday? An investigator.
14. Why did the clock go to the principal’s office on Tuesday? Because it tocked too much in class.

Tuesday Jokes One-liners

1. What do you call a belt made out of dollar bills on Tuesday? A money belt.
2. Why don’t scientists trust atoms on Tuesday? Because they make up everything.
3. What do you call a fake stone in your shoe on Tuesday? A faux pebble.
4. Why did the frog call his insurance company on Tuesday? He had a jump in his car.
5. What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Tuesday? A pouch potato.
6. Why did the cookie go to the hospital on Tuesday? Because it felt crummy.
7. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie on Tuesday? Sofishticated.
8. Why don’t oysters give to charity on Tuesday? They’re shellfish.
9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? “It’s grape to be alive.”
10. Why did the coffee file a police report on Tuesday? It got mugged.
11. What do you call a fake noodle on Tuesday? An impasta.
12. Why did the tomato turn green on Tuesday? Because it was unripe.
13. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire on Tuesday? Frostbite.
14. Why did the hipster burn his tongue on Tuesday? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Tuesday Jokes and Puns

1. What do you call a belt made out of watches on Tuesday? A waist of time.
2. Why did the chicken cross the road on Tuesday? To prove it wasn’t a chicken.
3. What do you call a crocodile in a vest on Tuesday? An investigator.
4. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants on Tuesday? In case he got a hole in one.
5. What did one wall say to the other on Tuesday? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
6. What did the grape say when it got stepped on on Tuesday? “I’ll never wine again.”
7. Why did the calendar feel depressed on Tuesday? Because it saw Monday and realized there are four more days to go.
8. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work on Tuesday? A can’t opener.
9. Why don’t skeletons fight each other on Tuesday? They don’t have the guts.
10. What do you call a bear with no teeth on Tuesday? A gummy bear.
11. Why did the tomato turn red on Tuesday? Because it saw the salsa.
12. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs on Tuesday? A condescending con descending.
13. Why did the bicycle fall over on Tuesday? Because it was two-tired.
14. What do you call an alligator in a vest on Tuesday? An investigator.

 

 

Final Take Away from these Funny Tuesday Jokes

The above 70 hilarious Tuesday jokes and puns are sure to make any gathering of friends, family members, or colleagues erupt with laughter.

I am sure these jokes and puns must have lightened your mood and also have brought some humor to your life.

Also don’t forget to check our other list of jokes.