70 Vampires Jokes, Puns and One-liners to Crack You Up 😀

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Are you looking to add a little lightheartedness and laughter to your day? Look no further than these 70 hilarious Vampire jokes and puns

From one liners to clever puns, these funny Vampire jokes are sure to get a chuckle from everyone.

Regardless of your age or sense of humor, these funny Vampire jokes will surely get everyone giggling. So why not pass some time with these hilarious Vampire jokes and puns?

Let’s get started!

Vampire Jokes

  1. Why did the vampire go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
  2. What do you call a vampire who’s just eaten? A happy meal.
  3. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t his type; she wasn’t blood type.
  4. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The Fang-dango.
  5. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
  6. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
  7. What do you call a vampire with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  8. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin.
  9. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
  10. Why did the vampire buy an RV? He wanted to go on a bat-tour.
  11. What do you call a vampire who’s always on the go? A fangster.
  12. Why do vampires always seem sick? They have coffin fits.
  13. What do you call a vampire who’s lost his memory? A victim of am-pyre-sia.
  14. Why did the vampire break into the bank? He wanted to see his blood-sucker account.
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Vampire jokes

Vampire Jokes for Kids

  1. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of boat? A blood vessel.
  2. Why don’t vampires ever get hungry? They always have a bite to eat.
  3. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
  4. Why don’t vampires play poker? They can’t handle the stakes.
  5. What’s a vampire’s favorite movie? Bite Club.
  6. What did the vampire say when he saw a bat? “Mmm, dinner.”
  7. Why do vampires make terrible storytellers? They always suck at the climax.
  8. What do you call a vampire that can’t play music? A vamp-no.
  9. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin too much.
  10. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  11. Why did the vampire start a vegetable garden? He wanted to grow some neck-tarines.
  12. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of coffee? A bloody mary.
  13. Why don’t vampires like garlic? It’s a pain in the neck.
  14. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of architecture? Gothic.

Vampire jokes

Funny Vampire Jokes

  1. Why did the vampire start using mouthwash? He was getting bat breath.
  2. What do you call a vampire that’s always on the move? A fangster.
  3. Why don’t vampires like fast food? It’s a quick way to get a stake through the heart.
  4. What do you call a vampire who’s always trying to be funny? A joke-ula.
  5. Why don’t vampires go to concerts? They can’t stand the sound of all those clapping hands.
  6. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of bird? A blood raven.
  7. Why don’t vampires like to swim? They always end up with bat hair.
  8. What do you call a vampire that’s always busy? A Drac-ula.
  9. Why did the vampire start a tech company? He wanted to be a byte-er.
  10. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of sandwich? A blood-wich.
  11. Why don’t vampires play baseball? They always get called out for being foul.
  12. What do you call a group of vampires? A blood bath.
  13. Why did the vampire refuse to have a heart transplant? He didn’t want to give up his cold, dead heart.
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Vampire jokes

Vampire Jokes One-liners

  1. What do you call a vampire who loves to party? A count-erfeit.
  2. Why don’t vampires use smartphones? They can’t stand the sunlight on the screen.
  3. What’s a vampire’s favorite song? “Bite Me Maybe”.
  4. Why did the vampire refuse to go to the dentist? He was afraid of the tooth fairy.
  5. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a computer? A byte in the neck.
  6. Why did the vampire join the gym? He wanted to work on his bat-teries.
  7. What do you call a vampire that’s always grumpy? A grouchy bloodsucker.
  8. Why don’t vampires like Italian food? They don’t like the idea of staking out in public.
  9. What’s a vampire’s favorite instrument? The organ.
  10. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was always giving him the cold shoulder.
  11. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a clown? A blood-curdling laugh.
  12. Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He wanted to be a bat-tarian.
  13. What do you call a vampire who’s always telling stories? A dracula raconteur.
  14. Why don’t vampires use toothpaste? They prefer to fang brush.

Vampire jokes

Vampire Jokes and Puns

  1. What’s a vampire’s favorite game? Bat-minton.
  2. Why did the vampire join the navy? He wanted to be a blood vessel.
  3. What do you call a vampire who’s lost his hair? A chrome-dome bat.
  4. Why don’t vampires like to read books? They prefer to get their bite-sized information.
  5. What’s a vampire’s favorite place to shop? The blood bank.
  6. Why did the vampire quit his job at the blood bank? He couldn’t find vein in it.
  7. What do you call a vampire who’s a fast runner? A bat out of hell.
  8. Why did the vampire buy a boat? He wanted to go on a blood cruise.
  9. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of car? A blood-red convertible.
  10. Why did the vampire refuse to eat fruit? He preferred neck-tarines.
  11. What do you call a vampire who’s always complaining? A whine-stein.
  12. Why don’t vampires like to use elevators? They prefer to take the stake-airs.
  13. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of beer? Bloodweiser.
  14. Why did the vampire go to school? He wanted to learn how to count.
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Vampire jokes

Final Take Away from these Funny Vampire Jokes

The above 70 hilarious Vampire jokes and puns are sure to make any gathering of friends, family members, or colleagues erupt with laughter.

I am sure these jokes and puns must have lightened your mood and also have brought some humor to your life.

Also don’t forget to check our other list of jokes.

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